Wednesday, April 22, 2009

If I were the Sports Minister...

1. I would be chummy-chummy first and foremost with the CEOs and Group Editors or Editors of every single major newspaper in the country so that their subordinates would not have the audacity to write negatively or express their honest opinions that may not be favourable to me.

2. I would invest in a major newspaper establishment so its editorial team will have to run a supplements inserted into the main paper with my face splashed across the pages. The weekly cover must give prominence to my handsome face. In return, the newspaper or newspapers under the company's stable will not utter a single word in the event I be accused of any form of misconduct ---- KA-CHING...

Hanya gambar hiasan, tiada kena mengena dengan isu semasa, sama ada yang hidup, orang perseorangan yang kena siasat, kena dakwa ataupun yang kena gugur.

3. I would appoint a slew of media/ad agencies and all kinds of companies as my contractors. All Ministry of Youth and Sports-related projects, from infrastructure-driven, KPI-driven to organising awards nights, must go to these agencies.

4. I would try to convince the agencies to cajole the newspapers' bosses to give a copy of any stories on me to my office before publishing them. In short, I'm the BOSS.

5. I would make sure the agencies buy airtime on prime time TV so that the public would be fed with half-truths or outright lies on a weekly, if possible, daily basis.

Hanya gambar hiasan, tiada kena mengena dengan isu semasa, orang perseorangan sama ada yang hidup, yang kena siasat, yang kena dakwa, ataupun yang kena gugur.
6. I would label all my detractors and critics as scumbags, people with vested interests and agendas and must be prevented from expressing their views at all costs.

7. All the above are meant to create a climate of fear.

8. I would send bouquets of flowers or bottles of liquor to sports editors during the festive season.

9. I would fully utilise facilities like private jets and helicopters at the rakyat's expense.

10. I would go to every single sports tournament - from the SEA Games to the Olympic Games. Hey, I'm the Minister, remember!

11. I would not hesitate to challenge journalists and my harshest critics to stand for elections.

12. I would accuse civil servants who are supposed to serve and work for me as a corrupt lot. This will allow me to audit the agencies and discredit them.

13. I would drop the Prime Minister's name and sell the idea of having a forward base in Hertfordshire, London or anywhere so that it can benefit my cronies. Over there I could play golf and then go shopping at Oxford Street. Or it could be in China, where I can play golf maybe at Kunming.

14. I would convince the Cabinet Committee on Sports Development that an English football club has agreed to work with FAM as one of the ways to justify the existence of a forward base. It's a matter of spin doctoring and I have the media agencies to help me in that sense.

15. I would appoint an Australian as the sports consultant and a wetland expert as the adviser to the Cabinet Committee. So what if they are not known outside their circles? Familiarity after all breeds contempt.

16. I would personally handpick foreigners and pay them a Sultan's ransom to run the day-to-day running of NSC and its elite programme. The Mat Sallehs would not be unveiled to the Press. If the Press happen to bump into them, they will say things OFF THE RECORD.

17. I would form a two-man panel to conduct a witch-hunt in the event we failed in a major multi-sports festival - one a politician whom I fondly call Uncle and the other a wetland expert.

18. I would appoint strictly my friends or fellow politicians as members of the NSC Board. If possible I want dungus so they will nod in agreement to whatever I have to say. If they disagree with me, I would walk out of the meeting.

19. I would then issue a statement to this effect: "Many people perceive the board as merely a group of people who just endorse proposals. This is not what we want.The board play a significant role in determining the direction of the NSC, and as such, I expect the members to be actively involved in the decision making process."
Hanya gambar hiasan, tiada kena mengena dengan isu semasa, orang perseorangan sama ada yang hidup, yang kena siasat, yang kena dakwa, ataupun yang kena gugur. (Belakang, dua dari kanan, Pengarah Muzik AF7)

Hanya gambar hiasan, tiada kena mengena dengan isu semasa, orang perseorangan sama ada yang hidup, yang kena siasat, yang kena dakwa, ataupun yang kena gugur.

20. I would de-register any sports associations that dare go against my wishes! I would be widely quoted as saying: "If they say they don't want clubs in their structure and if they don't want to heed directives from the Minister or the Sports Commissioner's office, don't come to us for funding. I would like to warn any association, that the Government have the power, through the Sports Development Act (1997), to enforce the Act.

21. I would make sure that the local municipalities allow billboards which project my face and that of the PM and DPM.

22. I would plant a mole in NSC to identify and take care of my projects. His job will also entail writing poison-pen letters and submit them to the SPRM so that the agency can launch an investigation. The director of that division would then be reduced to checking out the lights and electricity.

23. I would create a sports newspaper as a vehicle to promote myself. Those who oppose this idea are buffoons and if these buffoons happen to be journalists, they practise the gutter brand of journalism.

24. I would impose the KPI to all my staff and the agencies under the Ministry. I would judge them but they cannot judge me!

25. I would force NSC to take my uncle or my son or family members to perform at the National Sports Awards night. Nothing wrong since they are able performers.

26. I would appoint dungus to head the various agencies so that they follow my orders and sign documents on my behalf. This means I'm not accountable nor responsible for any wrongdoings. My only job is to cut ribbons in official functions.

27. I would take the trouble to send all sorts of gym equipment to the Deputy Prime Minister’s residence.

28. I would subscribe to the divide and rule philosophy.

Well, are these a figment of my wildest imagination?


nstman said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Azarina said...

29. I would belittle journalists in front of many.

Anonymous said...

pandai hang bro, kenen kat azalina aaaa


Anonymous said...

Rizal u r becoming more forgetful

29. would employ 20 people and put them under the agencies under your ministry

30. separate nsc and nsi

31. gender-biased by promoting women sports

32. create and wssfm website

Anonymous said...

bottle of liquor? mana buleh....

Anonymous said...

hey i thought the idea of getting azalina as the chief of staff is funny. she fits the bill

Anonymous said...

Salam Rizal

Membaca kenyataan Shabery sewaktu berada di Stadium Hoki semalm di akhbar malay mail amat mengecewakan. saya terpanggil untuk memberi komen dan cadangan. saya tak mahu mengulas kenyataanya kerana pada saya Shabery tiada kebolehan menguruskan Kementerian Belia apatah lagi Sukan.

Cadangan saya
1. Kerajaan membina sekolah sukan seperti sekolah sukan bukit jalil di semua negeri di Malaysia. Akan ada sekolah sukan pahang, Sekolah sukan Terengganu dsbnya. Sekolah sukan ini lengkap dengan infrastruktur sama dengan sekolah sukan bukit jalil. Sekolah sukan negeri ini menyediakan peluang belajar kepada para pelajar yang cenderung ke arah sukan dan di samping itu memberi mereka pelajaran sehingga SPM. Dengan cara ini para pelajar yang ada kebolehan sukan boleh di didik, di pelihara dan di asuh menjadi atlit sukan negara. Dengan cara ini kita ada peluang melahirkan olahragawan sukan peringkat asia dan dunia. Kita nak lagi chong wei, nicl david, azizul hasni awang, rizal tsin.

Ulas bro dalam blog u tentang perkara ini.

p/s rakyat tak marah jika guna wang rakyat untuk tujuan ini kerana ia menepati hasrat negara.


Rio Johannians

Anonymous said...

caya lu bro... wa doa lu sukses sokmo wa caya kalu lu jadi menteri belia dan sukan, sukan akan menjadi subjek no 1 negara selain politik hampeh....dan...senang sikit gua nak cari padang bola bila nak organise game..(ada brother boleh tolong telepon)

si botak xst john 87

Anonymous said...

29. I would appoint an idiot as the Sports Commissioner (SC)so that Sports Associations would hail me as the hero in undoing the silly decisions by the SC e.g lifting the suspension or de-registration by SC.