Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Herr Blitzkrieg

Throughout the FIFA World Cup in 2010, loose cannon wrote for the Brunei Times, upon invitation from Allahyarham Juli Suharni Jaafar. Read here.

Four years earlier, loose cannon had a gala time expressing his views using a pseudonym throughout the World Cup in Germany...The Mailsport team brainstormed ahead of the tourney and came up with the idea of featuring invited columnists. But paying a king's ransom for Beckenbauer or other syndicated stuffs was beyond the paper. So it was suggested for the members of the sports desk to contribute..

Sports editor, Mustapha Kamaruddin, a huge fan of Argentine football, until today calls himself El Loco, Graig Nunis kept on Seeing Red, Najmuddin Najib was Goalfinger, Tony Yee's impression of the Godfather came in the form of Don Catenaccio, Dutch fan Ghaz Ramli became Van Gyzie. The boss Mzul chose a very down-to-earth alter ego Joe Kampung! Well, trust Loose Cannon to come up with the most exotic and teutonic of all - Herr Blitzkrieg! Haha

One of Herr Blitzkrieg's rantings...

SOMETIME last year, Herr Blitzkrieg was privileged enough to talk for a fleeting moment with German Ambassador to Kuala Lumpur, Herbert D. Jess.

His Excellency Herr Jess, was pleased to say Germany and Malaysia have had a cordial working relationship in the world of sports for more than two decades.

"I remember when Bayern Munich came to Shah Alam in 1994, thousands of Malaysians watched them train. Our hockey team have participated in numerous tournaments in Kuala Lumpur and we have also exchanged programmes in football," said Jess.

Herr Blitzkrieg pointed out that a few German coaches had left a mark in Malaysia. Dettmar Cramer came to share his knowledge in Kuala Lumpur in the 1960s, while Karl Weigang guided Malaysia to the Olympic Games in Moscow, only for the country to boycott the 1980 edition.

In exchanging pleasantries, Herr Jess expressed his surprise as to why there was no German football on TV. Herr Blitzkrieg politely told Herr Jess that at one time there was Football Made In Germany way way back in the 1980s, when Englishmen Kevin Keegan and Tony Woodcock were plying their trade in Hamburg and Cologne respectively.

Apart from consuming American propaganda through the series Combat where the Germans were portrayed as a subject of hate, Herr Blitzkrieg's TV diet included Italian Soccer, Football Made In Germany, Brazilian Soccer as well as the barely palatable Big League Soccer and Star Soccer.

Based on their performance, Juergen Klinsmann's boys have stated a strong case for Bundesliga matches to be shown again on Malaysian screens. From Klinsi's starting 11, Jens Lehmann is the only foreign-based player, while Michael Ballack will only be joining Chelsea after the World Cup.

Talent is awash in Bundesliga. Astro SuperSport should lead the way. They have begun to show highlights of French football long after NTV7 and Jeffrey Ong gave up on it.

Too much English football, or the England team, is not good for the brains, one must remember.

Sven-Goran Eriksson's England helped Herr Blitzkrieg beat insomnia, and the English game has also helped produce a petulant yet talented player in Wayne Rooney, who will be bonded forever with Cristiano Ronaldo.

* Slowmental Riquelme, Sheva, Lamps and the Goofy One will be invited for a screen test for the hit TV series Lost.

* Football is orgasmic, to some of Herr Blitzkrieg's colleagues. No wonder because they allow themselves to be distracted from on the pitch activities. Joe Kampung gets thrilled by the commercials during half-time, Seeing Red cannot stop but ogle at the Brazilian girls while Latin lover El Loco loves to gush about panty-changing. In contrast, Van Gyzi gets excited by the odds, ringgit and sen. Don Catenaccio seldom gets his predictions wrong because he is linked to the underworld while Goalfinger is sadly clinging on to the notion that England can play like Brazil, Argentina or France. What has the world come to?

* Herr Blitzkrieg's days as a columnist are numbered.

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